About this whole "faith" thing..

"Therefore let us draw near to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need" (Hebrews 4:16)

Over the past year or so, I have learned more about God through prayer than I ever imagined. God has transformed me from a timid "hands thrown up in the air since He does what He wants to anyway" kind of person to a " Let's ask Dad!!" kinda girl.

I once confided to a friend that I had figured out that since I didn't really have that much of a relationship with my biological father, and my step-father was sort of a punishing, mean spirited tyrant kind of a man.. I had to admit, that was how I saw God in my mind's eye. Ok.. I knew He was up there, He "loved" me.. but I always thought God was just watching and waiting for me to screw up. And then, if punishment was needed, He was right there doling it out in the way of failures, missed opportunities, and causing nearly everything in my life going "wrong"... my friend listened patiently to my belly-aching, then gently pointed me to Jesus. ( thank you Lord for friends like this!!) A couple of things were "revealed " to me through the words of my friend:

One.. I was a brat.
Two.. God isn't like that.

It took time, study and some experiences with specific prayer to change my heart on this topic. As I learned about God's goodness... His mercy.. and His love for me, I began to ask God to help me see Him the way He wants His children to see Him. I began asking Him to help me forgive some things and people in my past.. He did. I began asking Him to help me believe Him for His promises.. He did. Before I knew what had happened, I realized one day that I had a handle on some kind of new "bigger faith" in the God Who created me! Over time, I began to have glimpses in my heart and mind of a God who wanted "relationship" with me. I began to visualize a God who was pleased that I was asking for His help with things, instead of turning to my own earthly toolboxes. I began to ask Him to show me HIS plan for my involvements, my activities, my family life , my marriage- everything I had my hands in, I began to ask that His hand would be on it too. A plan is slowly taking shape before my very eyes.. in the form of some gifts from God.

me: " God, I am too timid to be a leader."
God: " Ask Me for Godly confidence."
me: " Ok, will you bless me with that? I think I need that to do what You are asking me."
God: " You got it. "

It wasn't overnight... but it seems like it. I know I have a really really long way to go in my journey, and I know it won't be perfect til I see His face. Because of who HE is, however, I am learning, growing and loving the work- even the hard stuff. I ask Him most frequently that no matter what is going on.. that He would increase, and that I would decrease. That seems to meet many of my needs for the time being.. if He is in charge, and if He increases in my life, then I know I have an open heart for listening- and obeying. A faithful, obedient daughter is pleasing to God!!

Praise You, God.. for loving me enough to not let me stay the way I was. Thank you for transforming me daily. Continue growing me closer to you, stronger in You, and help me to always seek You first.

In Your Son's precious name I ask all things,
Amen.