( This is a repeat post of the email I posted to the Lifecoast Women's Message board for this weekend's service. I am doing this for those of you who do not see that site.)
Love,
Cheryl
________________________________________________________
"Daddy will fix this... he fixes everything."
"I'm Daddy's girl... he will understand."
If this is the mind's eye image that you have of your earthly father, know that I am envious. I spent most of my time avoiding contact with my earthly father while he was alive.. I never really knew him. He was no role model to me, I saw him maybe 3 times a year, ( all my fault), gave him obligatory gifts at Christmas and Father's day- and now that he is no longer alive, this makes me so sad that I cannot even begin to put it into words. I have always felt "lost from my father" in this way. I do not blame him for any of this, I really should have known better, and I should have tried alot harder to have a relationship with him while he was alive.
My step-father was devil incarnate , to me. He personified pretty much anything evil that I have ever seen or heard of- so I spent alot of my years from 2-15 just going "under the radar", so to speak. I realized a couple of years ago that because of the ideas I had about "father" ( for my own life), that my idea of God was realllly messed up. I identified with Pastor Mike's powerful message yesterday more than I can tell you.. because not only do I turn away from the Father sometimes now ( and I SOOOOOO know better), I spent YEARS of my life on the run from His will. I learned alot, but I missed out on so much that my heart grieves. Some of the most painful misery I went through in my 20's , I brought on myself, because I refused to be "found" by my Abba. How sad is this? Running from the one Being who loves you no matter what you do? I just did not realize what I was doing.
I wonder if there are any of you this morning who feel like God has turned His back on you? I know in some of my lowest times , that is where my mind tends to go..."God has forgotten about me, He doesn't care that I am suffering- He probably is glad that I am in this mess."Let me assure you, He is not glad. He loves you with everything He is, and is waiting for US to turn back to HIM and rest in His strength.
Father, help us to remember that Your will is good and perfect for us. Help us remember that You cannot help but be all Goodness and Mercy- and that You want to bless us and help us feel safe and secure. Help us to remember that we must turn back to You- walking away from You and not asking for help from You will not make us happy- it will only make us feel far from our Abba. We need You, God.. we need to be found.In Your Son's precious name I pray,
-Amen.
Monday, April 30, 2007
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Monday, April 23, 2007
Reflections on chaos...
...and how God reveals Himself through order when you least expect it!
There is a Psalm, I think it is 118 or around there.. that has been speaking to me today. "This is the day the Lord made, we rejoice and are glad in it."
OK.. I have heard that a thousand times. I think, in the Methodist church , we did that in a repeating way or something, like, probably every service. It is one of the few I actually have in my memory, and how shameful that it was in there and I never took notice of it before. God makes EVERY day, right? Ok, yeah, got it. Give thanks every day for the blessings God has given us. Got it.
Did I get it? Probably not really. Not until God showed me His own way.
Here is how God used that verse to put some order into my Monday...
Mondays at our home are "catch up" days with things like laundry, school work, tidying up and things like that. It has become for me what Saturdays used to be, before outreaches, and travel baseball. The weekends, for us, are more like workdays now. Monday was never my most favorite day anyway, because it used to mean "back to work/school/yuckky." I woke up this morning , however, feeling some pressure because it is nearing time for Watson to have his yearly homeschool evaluation. This time, every year, I feel internal pressure to round up everything we did and put it into some sort of binder or folder so that a "certified teacher" can look at it and tell me if my child has "learned anything" or not this year. ( You can probably tell that this is my least favorite part of homeschooling.)
Anyway... because the past year has been VERY chaotic between kid's things, family stuff, the church and ministry, I have NOT kept up with much paperwork. When you homeschool, this is a BAD IDEA. I already know that. I let it happen anyway.
God gave me an extra measure of energy this morning, however. I got four loads of laundry done.. helped Caden with reading , helped Savannah paint a VERY pretty picture for Daddy to take to work, and suffered through TWO hours of pre-algebra type fractions with Watson, not to mention brushing up on his latin, and his Bible work. ( In between this, taking care of juice needs, potty breaks, breakfast, snacks , cleaning duties , the phone, answering email.. and hugs when I can get them...) and, at some point... I tackled the dreaded "Portfolio". Watson already knows how this tends to make me sort of , well.. angry- every year.. and he quietly took both the younger kids outside. I had already had a couple of outbursts, and ended up assigning him two bookreports to be proofed, edited and turned in before next Friday. Not fair.. I know.
Anyway, I had been feeling frustrated because Watson struggles with school work. He actually doesn't much like it. Math.. we get done through blood, sweat and tears ( mine and his, sometimes Dad's too) - the other subjects, he tolerates. But that is as far as it goes. He CAN do it, but he doesn't ENJOY it much. As I was sighing, putting things together into his folder, I realized...
1) At this time last year he was barely multiplying, and did not understand long division at all. Now, he can add, subtract, divide or multiply fractions, he understands common denominators, he can find the lowest or highest CD, reduce fractions, and manipulate mixed numbers. He has made huge progress... and it is evident in the pile of math system sheets that I looked through today.
2) He is 2 weeks away from getting his certificate of completion in a co-op course in Latin and Roman History. He got a B-plus on the Roman History project he turned in. He had help with it, of course, but still.. he is passing the class and can get High School credit for his work for one year of Foreign Language. Huge , huge accomplishment for a person who is 3 weeks shy of his 13th birthday.
3) He has been studying the Life of Christ, and His 3 year ministry on earth. Watson can tell you exactly what has to happen for someone to be "born again", and he understands the difference between *saying* you are a Christian and *acting* like one. He understands it is a heart matter. He understands terms like sin, mercy, and compassion, and can explain them to you and tell you the things Christ did to model those for us. He understands why Christ came to earth , and why He died on the cross. He really GETS it. He knows what a servant heart is, and why God wants us to have that. He also has learned the differences between Creationism and Evolution theory, and shows Biblical understanding of why Christians believe in the Creation. He is getting pretty good at defending his stand, as well.
4) He is reading on a solid 7th grade reading level. Last year at this time, he was probably somewhere in the 5th grade as far as reading. His comprehension has improved, greatly, as have his writing skills.
So, in the midst of this hectic , chaotic, catching -up Monday, I am looking at his work for the year, and I remember that verse. God gave us this day , there is joy in it, and I am standing here in the kitchen, looking at it in Watson's homeschool portfolio. I am also acutely aware that none of that would have gotten done if not for God's grace in our lives.
So, after the past couple of weeks of trying to remind myself to praise God when things get hard , today I am filled with thanks and a joyful heart that my kids are healthy, their brains work well, our family lacks for nothing, there is love in our home , and God is in the driver's seat, gently restoring order when we humans try to pursue disorder.
He is good, all the time.
Cheryl
There is a Psalm, I think it is 118 or around there.. that has been speaking to me today. "This is the day the Lord made, we rejoice and are glad in it."
OK.. I have heard that a thousand times. I think, in the Methodist church , we did that in a repeating way or something, like, probably every service. It is one of the few I actually have in my memory, and how shameful that it was in there and I never took notice of it before. God makes EVERY day, right? Ok, yeah, got it. Give thanks every day for the blessings God has given us. Got it.
Did I get it? Probably not really. Not until God showed me His own way.
Here is how God used that verse to put some order into my Monday...
Mondays at our home are "catch up" days with things like laundry, school work, tidying up and things like that. It has become for me what Saturdays used to be, before outreaches, and travel baseball. The weekends, for us, are more like workdays now. Monday was never my most favorite day anyway, because it used to mean "back to work/school/yuckky." I woke up this morning , however, feeling some pressure because it is nearing time for Watson to have his yearly homeschool evaluation. This time, every year, I feel internal pressure to round up everything we did and put it into some sort of binder or folder so that a "certified teacher" can look at it and tell me if my child has "learned anything" or not this year. ( You can probably tell that this is my least favorite part of homeschooling.)
Anyway... because the past year has been VERY chaotic between kid's things, family stuff, the church and ministry, I have NOT kept up with much paperwork. When you homeschool, this is a BAD IDEA. I already know that. I let it happen anyway.
God gave me an extra measure of energy this morning, however. I got four loads of laundry done.. helped Caden with reading , helped Savannah paint a VERY pretty picture for Daddy to take to work, and suffered through TWO hours of pre-algebra type fractions with Watson, not to mention brushing up on his latin, and his Bible work. ( In between this, taking care of juice needs, potty breaks, breakfast, snacks , cleaning duties , the phone, answering email.. and hugs when I can get them...) and, at some point... I tackled the dreaded "Portfolio". Watson already knows how this tends to make me sort of , well.. angry- every year.. and he quietly took both the younger kids outside. I had already had a couple of outbursts, and ended up assigning him two bookreports to be proofed, edited and turned in before next Friday. Not fair.. I know.
Anyway, I had been feeling frustrated because Watson struggles with school work. He actually doesn't much like it. Math.. we get done through blood, sweat and tears ( mine and his, sometimes Dad's too) - the other subjects, he tolerates. But that is as far as it goes. He CAN do it, but he doesn't ENJOY it much. As I was sighing, putting things together into his folder, I realized...
1) At this time last year he was barely multiplying, and did not understand long division at all. Now, he can add, subtract, divide or multiply fractions, he understands common denominators, he can find the lowest or highest CD, reduce fractions, and manipulate mixed numbers. He has made huge progress... and it is evident in the pile of math system sheets that I looked through today.
2) He is 2 weeks away from getting his certificate of completion in a co-op course in Latin and Roman History. He got a B-plus on the Roman History project he turned in. He had help with it, of course, but still.. he is passing the class and can get High School credit for his work for one year of Foreign Language. Huge , huge accomplishment for a person who is 3 weeks shy of his 13th birthday.
3) He has been studying the Life of Christ, and His 3 year ministry on earth. Watson can tell you exactly what has to happen for someone to be "born again", and he understands the difference between *saying* you are a Christian and *acting* like one. He understands it is a heart matter. He understands terms like sin, mercy, and compassion, and can explain them to you and tell you the things Christ did to model those for us. He understands why Christ came to earth , and why He died on the cross. He really GETS it. He knows what a servant heart is, and why God wants us to have that. He also has learned the differences between Creationism and Evolution theory, and shows Biblical understanding of why Christians believe in the Creation. He is getting pretty good at defending his stand, as well.
4) He is reading on a solid 7th grade reading level. Last year at this time, he was probably somewhere in the 5th grade as far as reading. His comprehension has improved, greatly, as have his writing skills.
So, in the midst of this hectic , chaotic, catching -up Monday, I am looking at his work for the year, and I remember that verse. God gave us this day , there is joy in it, and I am standing here in the kitchen, looking at it in Watson's homeschool portfolio. I am also acutely aware that none of that would have gotten done if not for God's grace in our lives.
So, after the past couple of weeks of trying to remind myself to praise God when things get hard , today I am filled with thanks and a joyful heart that my kids are healthy, their brains work well, our family lacks for nothing, there is love in our home , and God is in the driver's seat, gently restoring order when we humans try to pursue disorder.
He is good, all the time.
Cheryl
Sunday, April 22, 2007
Pastor Jeff's sermon today : A living Hell.
Now that I got your attention.. :)
Just a couple of thoughts on Pastor Jeff's teaching from this morning.. Basically, he asked us to decide if our lives reflect Heaven ( do others see Christ in us? Do we exhibit the fruits of the spirit? Are we actually acting " different" in the sense that we have the Holy Spirit living in us, can other people tell that when they are around us?)
OR... do we reflect something else? Something very un-heavenly?
Does the world influence us, or do we take a stand for Jesus, and influence the world on His behalf? Will we gossip, be unkind ,unfriendly and unforgiving?
OR.. will we be merciful, gracious andloving to those people we come in contact with who need to meet ourSavior? ( and each other!!)
It is always about the choice. We are not meant to fit into the mold that the world wants to put us into.. we are consecrated ( set aside for God) from the moment we turn our hearts to Him. That being said, our choice is this: Do I accept that I cannot be like Iused to be? Do I acknowledge that I am not to live bound by the sin of my flesh anymore? Will I step out in my faith, proclaim God's victories in my life, and LIVE IT, so that others see the love of Christ, in me?
Lord, let us each decide to live our lives in such a way that we are pleasing in Your sight. Let us always be most concerned with how YOU see us, as opposed to being worried about whether or not we "fit in" with the world. We don't, Father.. but we look forward to the day when we will rejoice with You in Heaven, and we will fit IN - in the Kingdom of God.
In Christ's precious HOLY name-
Amen.
Just a couple of thoughts on Pastor Jeff's teaching from this morning.. Basically, he asked us to decide if our lives reflect Heaven ( do others see Christ in us? Do we exhibit the fruits of the spirit? Are we actually acting " different" in the sense that we have the Holy Spirit living in us, can other people tell that when they are around us?)
OR... do we reflect something else? Something very un-heavenly?
Does the world influence us, or do we take a stand for Jesus, and influence the world on His behalf? Will we gossip, be unkind ,unfriendly and unforgiving?
OR.. will we be merciful, gracious andloving to those people we come in contact with who need to meet ourSavior? ( and each other!!)
It is always about the choice. We are not meant to fit into the mold that the world wants to put us into.. we are consecrated ( set aside for God) from the moment we turn our hearts to Him. That being said, our choice is this: Do I accept that I cannot be like Iused to be? Do I acknowledge that I am not to live bound by the sin of my flesh anymore? Will I step out in my faith, proclaim God's victories in my life, and LIVE IT, so that others see the love of Christ, in me?
Lord, let us each decide to live our lives in such a way that we are pleasing in Your sight. Let us always be most concerned with how YOU see us, as opposed to being worried about whether or not we "fit in" with the world. We don't, Father.. but we look forward to the day when we will rejoice with You in Heaven, and we will fit IN - in the Kingdom of God.
In Christ's precious HOLY name-
Amen.
Friday, April 20, 2007
When things go wrong..
Corinthians 12:9 tells us that no matter what happens , His grace is enough for us. I have read this passage many times, and I thought I knew what it meant. This week, however, I needed this one just to survive each day- and I figured out what it *really* means.
Have you ever been hurt by someone you love and trust? I mean.. deeply, truly hurt by something that they did ? The kind of hurt that sends you reeling into a grieving process? I have lost both my mother and father , and have been to grief workshops and even went to a counselor for a year learning to deal with grief- so I recognize it when it hits.
Grief comes in stages ( they feel more like waves, at times) and the books all say that you have to go through each stage in order to heal. Denial is first ( this isn't happening), then anger ( HOW could this happen??) Depression, and finally acceptance- and at some point after acceptance, if you have gone through the other stages, you start to heal. Skip one of the stages, and buddy, you will be in trouble, because you will not heal, you will only sort of "scab" over and at some point the unresolved issues will raise up and cause problems.
There is no set timetable, everyone has their own, and sometimes even the steps don't go in that order- or you may find yourself "stuck" in one- which means you won't really progress to healing until you are done with that stage.
I don't know why I am writing all of this stuff, it sounds like something out of a text book... what I really wanted to do was point all of this back to Jesus.
When something makes me feel like I have felt the last week or so, I tell Him " This hurts me and I don't know how to handle it." He says " I have grace for you, for that. Let Me handle it for you." I tell Him " I am angry and I cannot possibly forgive this!! Do You see how I have been wronged??" He tells me " It isn't the first nor the last time- look at the scars on My palms. I have given you grace when you hurt Me, haven't I? You must give grace in My name, and be willing to forgive as you have been forgiven."
I tell Him " Lord.. I am so sad that I can't even think. I am worn out from talking , crying and trying to deal with this." He says " My grace is sufficient for you. Come to Me, and I will give you rest." Once I give in, and give it over to Him, then my healing starts. And so it is for all of us, if we will just surrender to Him.
I am making a choice today to focus on His goodness instead of things that hurt or make me angry or sad or feel hopeless. As a child of God, I have that option.
Praising a God Who makes that possible.
Cheryl
Have you ever been hurt by someone you love and trust? I mean.. deeply, truly hurt by something that they did ? The kind of hurt that sends you reeling into a grieving process? I have lost both my mother and father , and have been to grief workshops and even went to a counselor for a year learning to deal with grief- so I recognize it when it hits.
Grief comes in stages ( they feel more like waves, at times) and the books all say that you have to go through each stage in order to heal. Denial is first ( this isn't happening), then anger ( HOW could this happen??) Depression, and finally acceptance- and at some point after acceptance, if you have gone through the other stages, you start to heal. Skip one of the stages, and buddy, you will be in trouble, because you will not heal, you will only sort of "scab" over and at some point the unresolved issues will raise up and cause problems.
There is no set timetable, everyone has their own, and sometimes even the steps don't go in that order- or you may find yourself "stuck" in one- which means you won't really progress to healing until you are done with that stage.
I don't know why I am writing all of this stuff, it sounds like something out of a text book... what I really wanted to do was point all of this back to Jesus.
When something makes me feel like I have felt the last week or so, I tell Him " This hurts me and I don't know how to handle it." He says " I have grace for you, for that. Let Me handle it for you." I tell Him " I am angry and I cannot possibly forgive this!! Do You see how I have been wronged??" He tells me " It isn't the first nor the last time- look at the scars on My palms. I have given you grace when you hurt Me, haven't I? You must give grace in My name, and be willing to forgive as you have been forgiven."
I tell Him " Lord.. I am so sad that I can't even think. I am worn out from talking , crying and trying to deal with this." He says " My grace is sufficient for you. Come to Me, and I will give you rest." Once I give in, and give it over to Him, then my healing starts. And so it is for all of us, if we will just surrender to Him.
I am making a choice today to focus on His goodness instead of things that hurt or make me angry or sad or feel hopeless. As a child of God, I have that option.
Praising a God Who makes that possible.
Cheryl
Monday, April 9, 2007
Lifecoast Church's 2nd Easter ...
Holy Moly!
Nearly 250 in attendance. Kid's programs filled to near capacity.. packed auditorium.. people all over the building hearing about how much Christ loves them.. some for the first time. Other mature Christians in full throttle celebration mode, praying for anyone who might be drawn to Jesus this morning...
Amazing worship time.... loving fellowship before and after the service.. a Pastor that not only gives the message with impact but lives it to the nth degree, and models it for anyone who knows him...
People serving in all kinds of places... set-up, hospitality and greeting, worship, kid's areas, registration, and some just milling around ready and willing to be Jesus with skin on to anyone who is in need.
I am in praise and thanking mode tonight as I reflect on the events of yesterday. Thank You Father for bringing us to Lifecoast Church. Thank You for everything You have so lovingly and patiently taught me over the last 2 years. Thank You for drawing me close to You, and for never letting go.
I love You, Lord, and I lift my voice...
Cheryl
Nearly 250 in attendance. Kid's programs filled to near capacity.. packed auditorium.. people all over the building hearing about how much Christ loves them.. some for the first time. Other mature Christians in full throttle celebration mode, praying for anyone who might be drawn to Jesus this morning...
Amazing worship time.... loving fellowship before and after the service.. a Pastor that not only gives the message with impact but lives it to the nth degree, and models it for anyone who knows him...
People serving in all kinds of places... set-up, hospitality and greeting, worship, kid's areas, registration, and some just milling around ready and willing to be Jesus with skin on to anyone who is in need.
I am in praise and thanking mode tonight as I reflect on the events of yesterday. Thank You Father for bringing us to Lifecoast Church. Thank You for everything You have so lovingly and patiently taught me over the last 2 years. Thank You for drawing me close to You, and for never letting go.
I love You, Lord, and I lift my voice...
Cheryl
Friday, April 6, 2007
and then , today..
is Good Friday.
From Luke 23:
33When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."[e] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
35The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, "He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One."
36The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37and said, "If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself."
38There was a written notice above him, which read:sc THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.
39One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!"
40But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? 41We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong."
42Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[f]"
43Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."
Jesus' Death 44It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, 45for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. 46Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.
My 12 year old son asks me " Mom, couldn't Jesus have saved himself?? He is GOD!! He could have struck His tormentors with lightening, gotten Himself down off that cross and fixed everything!" ( This , asked through tears as we discuss the events of this Holy week.)
Jesus *did* fix everything. He knew the Father's plan. He was obedient to the point of death, for the sake of the world. This is a kind of love I will never be able to comprehend- but it is a love that is changing my heart, daily. It is a love that causes me to see people and the world around me in a different way.. and it causes me to desire my life to have eternal value, instead of temporal earthly significance.
Remember Him today. Thank Him for His great love for you. Let Him touch you deeply , let yourself be vulnerable and affected by His suffering. On Sunday, we celebrate :)
With love,
Cheryl
From Luke 23:
33When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals—one on his right, the other on his left. 34Jesus said, "Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing."[e] And they divided up his clothes by casting lots.
35The people stood watching, and the rulers even sneered at him. They said, "He saved others; let him save himself if he is the Christ of God, the Chosen One."
36The soldiers also came up and mocked him. They offered him wine vinegar 37and said, "If you are the king of the Jews, save yourself."
38There was a written notice above him, which read:sc THIS IS THE KING OF THE JEWS.
39One of the criminals who hung there hurled insults at him: "Aren't you the Christ? Save yourself and us!"
40But the other criminal rebuked him. "Don't you fear God," he said, "since you are under the same sentence? 41We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong."
42Then he said, "Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.[f]"
43Jesus answered him, "I tell you the truth, today you will be with me in paradise."
Jesus' Death 44It was now about the sixth hour, and darkness came over the whole land until the ninth hour, 45for the sun stopped shining. And the curtain of the temple was torn in two. 46Jesus called out with a loud voice, "Father, into your hands I commit my spirit." When he had said this, he breathed his last.
My 12 year old son asks me " Mom, couldn't Jesus have saved himself?? He is GOD!! He could have struck His tormentors with lightening, gotten Himself down off that cross and fixed everything!" ( This , asked through tears as we discuss the events of this Holy week.)
Jesus *did* fix everything. He knew the Father's plan. He was obedient to the point of death, for the sake of the world. This is a kind of love I will never be able to comprehend- but it is a love that is changing my heart, daily. It is a love that causes me to see people and the world around me in a different way.. and it causes me to desire my life to have eternal value, instead of temporal earthly significance.
Remember Him today. Thank Him for His great love for you. Let Him touch you deeply , let yourself be vulnerable and affected by His suffering. On Sunday, we celebrate :)
With love,
Cheryl
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